Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Wait: my own pep talk

Thanks to everyone who continues to follow us with love, not only in this moment, but remembering our whole journey, for this adoption isn't just an adoption, or just another child in our lives, but something far greater. (And reading through the run on sentences and grammar mistakes, I know there are plenty... not sure if that last sentence is correct) Thank you for encouraging words. I know sometimes it's hard to find the right words. We appreciate the comments that acknowledge that we know about the "the wait" and that it isn't something new to us.

God's had me wait for a few things in life, but nothing will ever compare to the 16 weeks I continued to carry Kendall. I could have waited a lifetime for the end of that last week to never come. And waiting to see her again... Waiting is all I have at this point for the adoption. I know who's hands this is in. And most may think it is daunting and long and miserable but it isn't how I choose to view it.

It's true that we believe that doors have been open, open, opened and that our first profile sounded "perfect" and the next two weeks after was a roller coaster of ups and down. But we haven't been through what we've been through to accept defeat. Some people wait till they feel defeated and give up. It's way too early for that.

Is. 30:18- Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Rm 8: 23-25-And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Ps 40:1- I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. 

Ps 37: 4-Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Isaiah 40:31- but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

Ecc. 3:1- For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

We didn't get where we are on our own. We couldn't have planned for where we are.  We didn't come into this adoption on our own, we're following God's direction for this, and in that, his timing. But the difference is that we don't wait like waiting is a chore. 

Romans 8: 18-19 is titled Future Glory-  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.

This wait doesn't compare to the anticipated future that we have (in this adoption). And even if we groan inwardly (like my last post- not being able to plan), we wait eagerly, with excitement for the what God has for us. No matter how long we wait.

Hebrews 10:23- Let us hold fast [remain tightly secured] the confession of our hope [expectation] without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.
Philippians 1:20- As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed.

The saying "Be The Kind Of Woman That When Your Feet Hit The Floor Each Morning The Devil Says, ‘Oh Crap, She’s Up!’” Bring it on, I know God's on my side.


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I'm a planner.

When waiting to be matched, everything is up in the air. I think we are a family that goes with the flow and are pretty flexible. After Kendall, I've gotten to a place where I sometimes feel we live one day at a time, not being able to plan for anything till the day before.

Asking me to attend a party.... Sure, I'd love to... Ask me again the week of and then I'll see how the week is going and finalize my attendance the day before. Not the answer I'd like to give, but what goes through my head.

Asking me to help with VBS 5 months ahead... I said yes! And then 24 hours turned around and said, "I can be on the team, but not the lead (at least this time)." The closer we get to Summer without a child, the more likely we could have a child younger and younger. And we could have a new born at that time. I couldn't back out the week of... When I commit, I'm in for the long haul. Not the type to back out.

We are trying to plan a family vacation later this year. Our first (maybe) cruise. I've been nervous and asked an adoption group their experiences with vacation and getting "the call" for adoption. And there were some. But they recommended travel insurance.

I emailed our case worker and she wrote, "Once a baby is placed in your home, you are not allowed to cross state borders until the termination of parental rights has been completed in court (this usually is within 3-4 months after baby comes home to you), and you are not allowed to leave the country until after finalization." 

I'm going to hibernate... Wake me when I can have some control of my life back.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Week Of First Showing

We ended up being shown twice this week, not selected. We actually had four chances to be shown. This week was very unexpected and very mentally draining. But good. Breathe....

Thursday, January 8, 2015

The Day After Our First Showing

The last three days were not something I expected. And now after the excitement has left, I'm truly awestruck.

I've been in a few adoption support groups online, so I've heard the ups and downs and braced myself. Trying to learn the good, bad and ugly about and know what trials come with adoption. It isn't just a baby factory, although my kids might think there is a store we go pick a child up at. They are learning too.

Monday (from my last post), we had two and a half  hours to decide if we wanted to show our book for the first time. I was a little frantic, researching a few things that we knew about the situation. I even called my pediatrician to ask a few questions... They were as good as goggle. And we let it all go, gave it to God and said "yes".

The next couple days were crazy, as I only had one thing on my mind but had to still keep functioning... And we got the word that we were not chosen.

I literally sat down on my bed to let myself pour out my feelings and tears. But nothing. As I talked to myself, "okay, are you sure?" I took a deep breath and got up. I surprised myself. But I didn't know why right away. I was and am truly blessed by knowing about this situation, the vulnerability of the situation, and  praying for the family.

We started on with our day and within hours got ANOTHER situation! I started to read TWINS! And my eyes got huge, but we were not a match with that family. I had a little trouble with emailing our case worker back, so Kirk did it for me. It's hard  knowing that high, knowing two children we could be a match for, at the same time and knowing the situations we can handle.

So today we are back to square one and I'm itching to have that excitement back. I'm sure it's different for someone who might not have kids already in the home. The let down is probably harder. But I assume as time goes by, it might get harder for us as well.

Just thought I'd give more insight to the inner brain. Sometimes I even surprise myself. It was really cool... I wanna do it again! (With a prospectively different outcome)

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

First Profile Showing

We were not selected for our first profile showing. That's usually a long shot anyway, but we were hopeful. It's a humbling experience. To get an email on a situation and details of a family faced with having to place their WANTED child for adoption and for us to have two and a half hours to make a decision, with limited info, on whether to show our profile.
We're thankful for that opportunity. It was exciting. I know there is a deserving family over joyed today. And I know a little glimpse of what happiness is to come to us.
Continued prayers for that birth mom, as she tried to get back to her "new normal".